Friday Fill-Ins: We're Lucky

Woo hoo! Friday! And some Friday Fill-Ins. :)

1. I need some peaceful sleep.

2. There are no other 2 people, that were as lucky as we were.

3. A great deal of love, prayers, talent, and skill are going to make my Baby Girl better.

4. That's a big tall glass.

5. It was announced that we might go home soon. (I'm very excited about that!)

6. I've never liked steak knives. (I prefer a little knife that you use for peeling.)

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some birthday planning, tomorrow my plans include shopping for some winter clothes for us and Sunday, I want to watch some good movies!

The Lion King

I was in elementary when the Lion King came out. I loved it! My Bestie and I, went out to watch it. It was a big deal to go to the movie theater. Especially together. It didn't happen often. But when it did, it was a big deal!

At the time, Disney was coming out with big movies every few months. And while my Bestie's favorite was Beauty and the Beast, mine was the Lion King. I liked all the animals, colors, and the music! The music was the best. I still enjoy listening to the soundtrack.

When I heard that Disney was re-releasing it, I was so excited! I've always wanted to share my favorite Disney movies, with my Baby Girl. I wish that we could go to the theaters to watch it. But the second best, we're going to buy this movie. And have lots of family movie nights.

Isn't that what having kids is all about? Sharing the things that you enjoy. Teaching them, loving them, and just enjoying the simple things in life. That's the way I feel. I want to share as many positive memories with my daughter as I can. Between, this picture of Simba, that face, reminds me of my Baby Girl.

Friday Fill Ins: Spaghetti

Friday again. Yay! That means Friday Fill-Ins.

1. When I walk around my neighborhood I see lots of families, with amazing kids.

2. Spaghetti is my favorite thing to cook.

3. Life is hard, but well worth it.

4. My Baby Girl makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

5. Squash is my favorite Autumn vegetable.

6. Pizza is better when it is cold, the morning after.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some good movies, tomorrow my plans include a long chat with my Bestie and Sunday, I want to have a fun day with my Baby Girl and Brother B!

Please Pray

"When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world." John 16:21

My Baby Girl is having a risky, but completely essential surgery tomorrow. I ask that you please keep her in your prayers. Her doctors are so talented and skilled. My daughter is so much stronger now, than ever before. But we could all use God's blessings.

I pray for my daughter every day. I pray for her recovery and health. I pray for the people who take care of her. The doctors and nurses. Everyone that is involved. We have been so blessed, this far. We have so many people surrounding us, that are helping my little girl.

Please take a few moments, just to ask God, to watch over my daughter. She could use all of your prayers. I'd appreciate every prayer. As a mom, I never feel so helpless, as in the moments leading up to her surgeries. When I have to let her go. When the nurse carries her away. Behind those doors. And every part of my body aches. My entire spirit begins to bargain with God. Please keep my precious Baby Girl in your prayers. I'm going to go spend the next few hours, cuddling my Baby Girl. Making sure that she knows, just how much I love her.

Made Me Smile

I woke up this morning, to my Big 'Ol Teddy Bear and my Sweet Baby Girl, watching The Country Mouse and the City Mouse Adventures.

I laid there watching them. As this big man, held my tiny baby girl. Telling her all about the cartoon. Making silly voices. My baby girl cooing away! Both of their eyes, sparkling. Like a kid on Christmas morning.



It really was the sweetest thing ever! I laid there for 30 minutes. Just taking it all in. Knowing, just how lucky I am. I really do wish, he would have been her biological dad. But I know, in all our hearts, he's her daddy. And that's all that matters!

Being a Mommy

"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!" Psalm 113:9

I never knew that I'd be a mommy. Never. I sort of dreamt about it. But the reality of it is, I never thought I'd be a mom. Probably because, I had a pretty horrible childhood. One that leaves a lot to be desired. My parents divorced. I was always out casted. Nothing ever felt right. I never felt safe. Rarely felt loved.

The moment I found I was pregnant, with my first baby, I was so full of love. And joy! I knew that I'd be a mom. Full of love. I'd be that mom, that I always wanted. My husband wanted kids. I knew this was going to be a good road. We had been married 3 1/2 months. I was so excited!

If we hadn't lost our baby, I'd have a 20 month old baby! Can you imagine? In my heart, I always knew, we were having a girl. I just knew it. But life had a different plan for me. A different plan for my husband. Things were tough after that. Nothing was ever the same. We tried. I tried. But it never felt right again.

Then, I got some more glorious news. God was blessing us. I thought, this was our way, back to one another. I found out I was pregnant in February 2010. I was so excited! I was getting a second chance. Our little family, was getting a second chance.

Things didn't work out the way I had hoped. My husband and I ultimately split up. Had I been alone, not pregnant, I would have fought to keep our marriage together. I could have looked past his indiscretions. But not with a baby. I couldn't put my baby through that. My baby deserved a better life. A better beginning.

In the following months, I did everything that I could, to ensure a healthy baby. I prepared in the best way that I could. I went to the doctor, Every single week, from 6 weeks, to 42 weeks. I ate differently. I exercised. I did everything that I possibly could. My entire life, now revolved around my baby girl.

I bought a home. Had a good and stable job. I furnished our home. Took care of my dog. Got my baby's nursery ready. I researched everything that I bought. I had 3 friends go with me to birthing classes. I got a midwife. I even applied to the best day cares and schools. I was doing everything that I could, to make sure my baby would be healthy. And have every possible opportunity.

In my eyes, that's what a mother does. She takes care of her family. She nurtures her children. Protects them. Something my mom never did for me. My mom out casted me. Later, she'd stop talking to me. Blame all her failures on me. She even forbid my family, from talking to me. I wanted better for my daughter.

Most of all, I looked to God during this time. I put my trust in him. And he rewarded me. With amazing friends. Of course, my bestie. And my friend, and for a short period, he was also my boss. The one guy that I was most surprised by, was this man. Who completely took over. Making sure my baby and I were being taken care of. That our needs were being met. That we were safe, and healthy.

I look at being a mom, as being the ultimate blessing. The one thing in life, that is so precious and pure. There is not a single thing in life, that I wouldn't do for my baby. I still think of my first baby. I can never forget. And my Baby Girl, I can't ever give up on her.

Her birth was nothing that I had imagined. Or ever envisioned. We were in a horrible car accident. One day, I'll blog about the details. Tell you how it was. What I went through. The things I remember. The feelings. The things that people later would tell me. It was the day that would forever change my life.

Now, I have a perfect Baby Girl. One that has had to fight, every day of her little life. She's fought to stay alive. We've never left the hospital. Months old, we flew from one Children's Hospital, to another. All to save her life. To try and right the wrongs, done to her little body. I'm still recovery. But I'm not the priority. My Baby Girl is. She's all that matters.

I have to make all the decisions for us. I don't always have the answers. I turn to friends, and doctors. For guidance. To ensure that I'm making the best decisions. Some days are tougher than others. Some are just filled with love. And cooing baby girls.

Being a mom has forever changed my life. I will always put my daughter first. I'll always have her interests in mind, when making decisions. She'll always be my priority. The one that needs to be protected. God has entrusted me with a beautiful baby. Now it's my job, and complete life's goal, to make sure my baby is safe, happy, and healthy. That's what being a mom is. Nurturing your little one, always loving them, always being here to protect them. I LOVE being a mommy. It's the one thing in my life, that I'd never change. Ever!

How Times Have Changed

I can remember when I was younger. 6 of us lived in one apartment. Yes, 6 young, twenty somethings. That many women, in that small of space, is definitely a recipe for disaster. But we made it work.

Saturday nights were always our favorite. Even working 2 jobs, I made sure, to get Saturday nights off. So we could go and have some fun! I'd have a couple of these too.....

Most of the time, Sunday mornings, I felt like death. But me and my friends had had a good time. We'd forgotten about some of our troubles. At least for a few hours. My Saturday nights were full of loud music, Redheaded Sluts, and probably too much fun!

Nowadays, my Saturday nights are filled with my cooing baby girl. Curled up in my arms. A good movie is a total must have, with good takeout. Chinese is my favorite! A phone call from my Teddy Bear, is always a bonus! Don't forget the banana milk. :)

Yes, Saturday nights have changed. Drastically! But for me, they've completely changed for the better. I couldn't be happier. With my baby girl in my arms, my brother at my side, and this amazing man on the phone. Oh, and pass my banana milk!

Friday Fill-Ins: Proud American

It's time for Friday Fill-Ins.

1. Why do I feel so bad today.

2. For a long time, I wished he would have wanted to stay.

3. By far the most important person in my life, is my Baby Girl.

4. I'm a proud American. Yes I am!

5. But when I think about my future, I see bright things, happy times, and lots of people to love.

6. I HATED my ex for the longest time.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to snuggle time with my Baby Girl, tomorrow my plans include a phone call with my Teddy Bear and Sunday, I want to just relax and enjoy my family!

Really Facebook.....

I joined Facebook to be closer to my bestie. To chat with her when she's busy. Which is almost 100% of the time. No lie! I've been on there less than a week. And already, I'm feeling the heat.

I was searching for some of my favorite bloggers. Minding my own business. Then that little thing on the side pops up. Something about "You might know....." I sent a friend request to a few people. You know, moms. People that I could relate to.

The last few days have been a little busy. Taking care of my precious little girl. I finally signed on today. I was shocked. Surprised. Whatever. My account had been spammed. Well, I wasn't trying to do anything. Just connect to other people. Other moms. Instead, FB is down my back. Spammed my account. It could be closed.

Why? Because I tried to make friends. Man, this is just like in elementary school! What can you do? Apparently not much. If you didn't want to be my friend, just deny my request. No need to spam me. I'm just a mom. A sometimes, lonely mom. That spends 24/7 in a hospital. Just trying to make it through the day. And here I thought, FB would be a place to meet nice people. I was so wrong!

If FB decides to let me keep my account, you can find me here. If you want to be friends, I will excitedly be friends with you! I know how it feels. Anyway, that is my ramble. On to more important things. Like reading to my daughter. 

4 Weeks

In just 4 weeks, I'll have a one year old baby girl. I'm so excited! 11 months ago, I never thought that would be a reality. I prayed that it would turn out well. But deep in my heart, I was scared. Really scared. That we wouldn't make it here. It's been a tough 11 months. But I'm so grateful to God, because he's made this all possible.

It's crazy, a year ago, I thought I had my entire life planned out. I knew what I was doing. I had applied to the best of day cares, and schools. I was working. And I had everything ready. To bring home my baby girl. I had her nursery perfect. It was ready for her. A year ago, we were having Baby Showers. Celebrating my baby. I was so excited.

The last 11 months, they've tested me in ways, that I never knew about. I never realized that I was this strong. Or could get through such difficult stuff. It's amazing. God makes so many things possible. I'm so glad that I found my way back to him. Before all this happened. Without God, I don't think I could have made it. I wouldn't have been strong enough.

There are things that I miss about that time. Before my world was completely rocked. I miss home. Like nobody's business. I miss my bed. Seeing my Baby Girl's nursery. I miss it all! Even burning my dinner, because I was trying a new recipe, and got sidetracked. Yes, I miss that life.

I miss feeling in control. Of semi-knowing what was going to happen next. Now, I'm lost. I have to give all of my faith to God, and all of these doctors. But it's worth it. To have my precious baby girl. There are definitely times when I feel alone, and weak. But then, God answers my prayers.

In 4 weeks, my daughter will turn 1. It will be a year since our horrible accident. One year since I my life forever changed. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Or what is right. All I know is, that day changed my life. As hard as this year has been, it's all been worth it. Every time I look at my baby girl, or hold her, I know that it's all worth it!

Yes, in 4 weeks, I'll celebrate something amazing. But I'll also remember the toughest day of my life. The toughest part of my life. I've lost so much. But I have this amazing little girl. That I get to love and nurture. She is worth every hardship I've had to endure. In 4 weeks, I'll be celebrating my little girl. And just how far we've come.

Never Forget

Never Forget. September 11, 2001. I'll never forget. Never. I'll work hard, to make sure that those memories live long. To allow for things to move forward. But never be forgotten. I can remember exactly what I was doing that day. But that, I'll save for another post. This post, is to honor the fallen, and honor the heroes. What a day! I'll Never Forget.

Fun Accent Vlog

I originally seen this video on my bestie's blog. And I really enjoyed watching it. I think Trina is just so amazing. I read her blog. And watch her YouTube videos. Just like my bestie, I like her accent. It's just fun. OK, I'll admit it here. After living in the south, for over 13 years now, I have an accent too! So there. Anyway, I think this is a fun video. I hope you enjoy it too!

11 Months

Dear Baby Girl,

You are 11 months old! Yes, today. It makes me so excited. Just to think how you are growing. And getting older. Things that I pray for every day. Since the day you were born, I've prayed that we'd have years and years together. Now I can see that as a reality.

It's crazy. I'm so excited that you are growing. I know, most parents are upset when their kiddos grow. They want them to be small for a longer period of time. Not your mommy! I'm so happy that you are finally wearing 3 month clothing. I often wondered if this day would come.

This month, has just been one of so much joy. You are doing so many things, that just a short while ago, you couldn't do. You've been breastfeeding. At least twice a day. The entire feed. I'm so proud of you! Not too long ago, that would tire you out. And we would have to feed you, through your feeding tubes.

But the best thing, is how alert you are. How you concentrate on us. All of us. You listen to everything we all have to say. You coo and smile. Baby Girl, you are just so amazing! I LOVE to watch you play. How you grab your toys, and get so excited. It just warms my heart so much.

Recently, you and your Papa Bear, like to watch cartoons. You've always enjoyed reading. But now, he's teaching you all about Sesame Street. The two of you sit and laugh. He makes the silliest voices when he talks to you. Just so he can get you to smile.

Speaking of your Papa Bear, he just LOVES YOU! Yes, I know this. I've never doubted it. He just adores spending time with you. Calling you his Little Monkey. I know that you love him too. You just light up. Every time you see him, or hear him. I'm so glad that your Papa Bear is in our lives. :)

Uncle B is also getting a lot more used to you. He's never been too comfortable with babies. But he is really trying. He holds you. And has learned how to swaddle you. Just the way you like it. The most hilarious thing, Uncle B went shopping for you. And he came back with so many outfits. We had a Baby Fashion Show. And Uncle B just loved seeing you all dressed up.

Your Nono is so excited too! I don't know what all these secrets are, that he tells you. I'm thinking it has something to do with your Nana. I know that he loves both of you. And maybe, just maybe, you can convince your Nana to give him a break. Wouldn't that be fun. To have them together, and near us? But your Nono is waiting, counting down the days, until you guys share your birthday. He's so excited. I have a feeling he's planning something fun for you!

Speaking of your Nana, she LOVES YOU SO MUCH! I used to think that your Nana and I were close. Dear Baby Girl, I know that she loves you even more than that. Something that I never knew was possible. Until I saw her with you. Sweet Baby Girl, she not only sends you the most beautiful gifts. But your Nana calls you all the time. To talk. To see how you're doing. And she finds us all the best doctors.

Oh sweet Baby Girl, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I pray all the time. I want you to get better. I pray that God will make that possible. I pray all the time, that we can live the life that I've dreamt us. The life that I want for us. I pray all the time, that we will get a long, long life together.

All of your accomplishments, and milestones, mean so much to me. I cry every time you are able to do something new. It means the world to me. Sweet Baby Girl, keep fighting. I want you to live. Know that I'll never give up on you. I'll always fight to keep you safe and healthy. All you need to do, is keep getting better.

Now your mommy needs to go start planning your birthday party. It's not going to be the way I had dreamt of. Of a big birthday party. With all of our friends. At our home. I wish that we could do that. But I'm going to plan something, just as special. To celebrate you. Just one month away! I can't wait! Happy 11 Months!

Love,
Mommy

Friday Fill-Ins: Pie and Ice Cream

It's Friday! You know what that means. Friday Fill-Ins!

1. Do they have pie and ice cream.

2. That day; it was as if I was having an out of body experience.

3. That was a fun day.

4. That life seemed so comfortable.

5. As I said, life is not easy.

6. There is always some new twist.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a long chat with my Brother B, tomorrow my plans include cheering on My Teddy Bear and Sunday, I want to relax and watch a movie!

Tomato Grower

One thing that I did get from my mom is, growing tomatoes. When I was growing up, she had so many plants. I'm not even lying. When I was really little, my mom would put 20 pots on our back patio. Filled with all kinds of tomato plants. Nothing too wild. Mostly beef streak tomatoes, and cherry tomatoes. But we always had so many. I'm not 100% sure why we grew so many. Or any at all. I'd eat them in my lunch. The rest, we'd give to my grandma. Ya, my mom didn't cook much.

I bought 2 tomato plants when I first moved out. 2 plants! We had so many tomatoes! And they were delicious. Every year after that, I'd buy a few plants. Mind you, I lived in an apartment. We had a small balcony. Where my few plants lived. In little terracotta pots. It became my thing.

Cooking? Not so much. I couldn't cook. But I could grow some delicious tomatoes! Oh yes I could. Late summer is always my favorite time of year. You get the most amazing tomatoes. The weather is perfect! It's starting to change. Oh, it's perfect!

When I moved in with my ex-husband, I brought my tomatoes. I didn't care about bath towels, dishes, or lamps. All of which I left behind. But my tomatoes, they came with me. He laughed. But when we had that first salad, he was sold. Months later, we were moving. Into this amazing house we had built. I made sure there was a perfect area for tomato planting. Perfection!

That year, I got a little fancy. I planted such a variety of tomatoes. Tomatoes I had never heard of. Heck, I'd never seen! Purple tomatoes. Have you ever? I hadn't. But I grew something like 40 different varieties of tomatoes. That year, I was also cooking. I'd learned a thing or two. My tomatoes were perfect in all these new dishes!

Later when I moved into my own home, I did it again. I planted all sorts of tomatoes. Striped, purple, mini, orange, giant. They were delicious! I'm sure I planted way too many! I would pack them in baskets, and send them to friends. I cooked and cooked. I froze, canned, anything you could figure out to make with them, I made.

This is the first time, that I can remember, not growing tomatoes. Sure the reason is legit. But I miss it. I miss watching the seeds turn into seedlings. Then into plants. Growing big, and finally getting fruit. I miss that. I miss the yummy taste. The distinct taste of homegrown food.

My goal is, next year, to have another tomato garden. I pray that my dear Lord, will allow us to be home. Allow me to show my daughter some of these amazing things. How hard work, pays off. How amazing God is to us. Yes, I can't wait. Next season is going to be so delicious!

Dancing with the Stars

I'm a HUGE Dancing with the Stars fan! My Teddy Bear had to get used to that fact. And my Brother B, is learning to just go with the flow. Yup, for a few years now, me and this show have been BFFs! Funny? I'm not sure. But we have been BFFs.

When I was pregnant, My Teddy Bear would come over. He'd drive 3 and a half hours, to my house. Every Monday night. He'd sit on my front steps with takeout, waiting for me to get home from work. We'd eat. Laugh our butts off. Watch my favorite show. Oh, and we'd get stuff ready for my Baby Girl.

For almost the last year, we've been in hospitals. I've tried to keep at least this little thing, constant for us. Every Monday and Tuesday, we watch. I pick out my favorite, and vote like crazy! Secretly, I think these 2 men in my life, are BIG fans too! Just don't say anything. ;)

I was so disappointed in this season's lineup. I can't lie. Heck, it started a 3 hour discussion. Between the 3 of us, and our nurses. I'm still going to watch. I have absolutely no clue who to cheer on. Can I admit it? I had to google most of the names. I'm really NOT too excited for the show to start. That hurts. You know, since I'm a big fan and all. It's nothing personal, to any of the celebs, I just can't connect to any of them.....

How YouTube Has Changed Me

Years ago, I spent many, many hours, watching YouTube videos. My ex husband and I traveled 50% of the time. For his job. I wasn't too close, to many of the guys, we traveled with. Many of the wives traveled later in the week. I was on my own. So I watched YouTube.

I got ADDICTED to YouTube videos. I learned how to cook. Yes, there are some good cooks on YouTube. I tried to learn about makeup. And style. Mostly, I was just looking to be entertained. I pour over hours and hours of videos just like the one below.

Now my days and nights are full of the hospital. My daughter, and her health issues. But I'm still drawn to a few YouTube channels. I don't watch many. But I try. And now, I read blogs. Kandee has always been a favorite of mine. Her positive attitude has always been something that I've enjoyed. I enjoy her makeup blog, her daily blog, and of course her YouTube videos.



Yes, there used to be a time when I watched these videos to fill up my time. Now I watch them, in the middle of the night. When I'm too stressed or worried to sleep. When all those dark thoughts start to creep into my mind. Yes, I'm grateful for Kandee and so many others. Many times, these videos keep me going. No matter if they are about makeup, or cooking. It's just a nice break from my reality.

Friday Fill Ins: Carrots

Friday. When did you come? This week has just been a blur. I'm glad it's almost over. Here are my Friday Fill-Ins.

1. When I was 10 years old I got my period. (It was horrible!)

2. Baby Carrots is my favorite vegetable because you can dip them in Ranch dressing.

3. My dream pet is my dog. (He is the best!)

4. LOVE surrounds you. 

5. If I could live anywhere in the world I'd live in a safe and comfy home with my Baby Girl and my Teddy Bear. (With my bestie, Blue Eyes, and their kiddos.....next door to us!)

6. Sunshine keep on shinin' on me.  

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some peaceful letter writing, tomorrow my plans include a long phone call with my Teddy Bear and Sunday, I want to play with my Baby Girl!