Really Facebook.....

I joined Facebook to be closer to my bestie. To chat with her when she's busy. Which is almost 100% of the time. No lie! I've been on there less than a week. And already, I'm feeling the heat.

I was searching for some of my favorite bloggers. Minding my own business. Then that little thing on the side pops up. Something about "You might know....." I sent a friend request to a few people. You know, moms. People that I could relate to.

The last few days have been a little busy. Taking care of my precious little girl. I finally signed on today. I was shocked. Surprised. Whatever. My account had been spammed. Well, I wasn't trying to do anything. Just connect to other people. Other moms. Instead, FB is down my back. Spammed my account. It could be closed.

Why? Because I tried to make friends. Man, this is just like in elementary school! What can you do? Apparently not much. If you didn't want to be my friend, just deny my request. No need to spam me. I'm just a mom. A sometimes, lonely mom. That spends 24/7 in a hospital. Just trying to make it through the day. And here I thought, FB would be a place to meet nice people. I was so wrong!

If FB decides to let me keep my account, you can find me here. If you want to be friends, I will excitedly be friends with you! I know how it feels. Anyway, that is my ramble. On to more important things. Like reading to my daughter. 

4 Weeks

In just 4 weeks, I'll have a one year old baby girl. I'm so excited! 11 months ago, I never thought that would be a reality. I prayed that it would turn out well. But deep in my heart, I was scared. Really scared. That we wouldn't make it here. It's been a tough 11 months. But I'm so grateful to God, because he's made this all possible.

It's crazy, a year ago, I thought I had my entire life planned out. I knew what I was doing. I had applied to the best of day cares, and schools. I was working. And I had everything ready. To bring home my baby girl. I had her nursery perfect. It was ready for her. A year ago, we were having Baby Showers. Celebrating my baby. I was so excited.

The last 11 months, they've tested me in ways, that I never knew about. I never realized that I was this strong. Or could get through such difficult stuff. It's amazing. God makes so many things possible. I'm so glad that I found my way back to him. Before all this happened. Without God, I don't think I could have made it. I wouldn't have been strong enough.

There are things that I miss about that time. Before my world was completely rocked. I miss home. Like nobody's business. I miss my bed. Seeing my Baby Girl's nursery. I miss it all! Even burning my dinner, because I was trying a new recipe, and got sidetracked. Yes, I miss that life.

I miss feeling in control. Of semi-knowing what was going to happen next. Now, I'm lost. I have to give all of my faith to God, and all of these doctors. But it's worth it. To have my precious baby girl. There are definitely times when I feel alone, and weak. But then, God answers my prayers.

In 4 weeks, my daughter will turn 1. It will be a year since our horrible accident. One year since I my life forever changed. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Or what is right. All I know is, that day changed my life. As hard as this year has been, it's all been worth it. Every time I look at my baby girl, or hold her, I know that it's all worth it!

Yes, in 4 weeks, I'll celebrate something amazing. But I'll also remember the toughest day of my life. The toughest part of my life. I've lost so much. But I have this amazing little girl. That I get to love and nurture. She is worth every hardship I've had to endure. In 4 weeks, I'll be celebrating my little girl. And just how far we've come.

Never Forget

Never Forget. September 11, 2001. I'll never forget. Never. I'll work hard, to make sure that those memories live long. To allow for things to move forward. But never be forgotten. I can remember exactly what I was doing that day. But that, I'll save for another post. This post, is to honor the fallen, and honor the heroes. What a day! I'll Never Forget.

Fun Accent Vlog

I originally seen this video on my bestie's blog. And I really enjoyed watching it. I think Trina is just so amazing. I read her blog. And watch her YouTube videos. Just like my bestie, I like her accent. It's just fun. OK, I'll admit it here. After living in the south, for over 13 years now, I have an accent too! So there. Anyway, I think this is a fun video. I hope you enjoy it too!

11 Months

Dear Baby Girl,

You are 11 months old! Yes, today. It makes me so excited. Just to think how you are growing. And getting older. Things that I pray for every day. Since the day you were born, I've prayed that we'd have years and years together. Now I can see that as a reality.

It's crazy. I'm so excited that you are growing. I know, most parents are upset when their kiddos grow. They want them to be small for a longer period of time. Not your mommy! I'm so happy that you are finally wearing 3 month clothing. I often wondered if this day would come.

This month, has just been one of so much joy. You are doing so many things, that just a short while ago, you couldn't do. You've been breastfeeding. At least twice a day. The entire feed. I'm so proud of you! Not too long ago, that would tire you out. And we would have to feed you, through your feeding tubes.

But the best thing, is how alert you are. How you concentrate on us. All of us. You listen to everything we all have to say. You coo and smile. Baby Girl, you are just so amazing! I LOVE to watch you play. How you grab your toys, and get so excited. It just warms my heart so much.

Recently, you and your Papa Bear, like to watch cartoons. You've always enjoyed reading. But now, he's teaching you all about Sesame Street. The two of you sit and laugh. He makes the silliest voices when he talks to you. Just so he can get you to smile.

Speaking of your Papa Bear, he just LOVES YOU! Yes, I know this. I've never doubted it. He just adores spending time with you. Calling you his Little Monkey. I know that you love him too. You just light up. Every time you see him, or hear him. I'm so glad that your Papa Bear is in our lives. :)

Uncle B is also getting a lot more used to you. He's never been too comfortable with babies. But he is really trying. He holds you. And has learned how to swaddle you. Just the way you like it. The most hilarious thing, Uncle B went shopping for you. And he came back with so many outfits. We had a Baby Fashion Show. And Uncle B just loved seeing you all dressed up.

Your Nono is so excited too! I don't know what all these secrets are, that he tells you. I'm thinking it has something to do with your Nana. I know that he loves both of you. And maybe, just maybe, you can convince your Nana to give him a break. Wouldn't that be fun. To have them together, and near us? But your Nono is waiting, counting down the days, until you guys share your birthday. He's so excited. I have a feeling he's planning something fun for you!

Speaking of your Nana, she LOVES YOU SO MUCH! I used to think that your Nana and I were close. Dear Baby Girl, I know that she loves you even more than that. Something that I never knew was possible. Until I saw her with you. Sweet Baby Girl, she not only sends you the most beautiful gifts. But your Nana calls you all the time. To talk. To see how you're doing. And she finds us all the best doctors.

Oh sweet Baby Girl, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I pray all the time. I want you to get better. I pray that God will make that possible. I pray all the time, that we can live the life that I've dreamt us. The life that I want for us. I pray all the time, that we will get a long, long life together.

All of your accomplishments, and milestones, mean so much to me. I cry every time you are able to do something new. It means the world to me. Sweet Baby Girl, keep fighting. I want you to live. Know that I'll never give up on you. I'll always fight to keep you safe and healthy. All you need to do, is keep getting better.

Now your mommy needs to go start planning your birthday party. It's not going to be the way I had dreamt of. Of a big birthday party. With all of our friends. At our home. I wish that we could do that. But I'm going to plan something, just as special. To celebrate you. Just one month away! I can't wait! Happy 11 Months!

Love,
Mommy

Friday Fill-Ins: Pie and Ice Cream

It's Friday! You know what that means. Friday Fill-Ins!

1. Do they have pie and ice cream.

2. That day; it was as if I was having an out of body experience.

3. That was a fun day.

4. That life seemed so comfortable.

5. As I said, life is not easy.

6. There is always some new twist.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to a long chat with my Brother B, tomorrow my plans include cheering on My Teddy Bear and Sunday, I want to relax and watch a movie!

Tomato Grower

One thing that I did get from my mom is, growing tomatoes. When I was growing up, she had so many plants. I'm not even lying. When I was really little, my mom would put 20 pots on our back patio. Filled with all kinds of tomato plants. Nothing too wild. Mostly beef streak tomatoes, and cherry tomatoes. But we always had so many. I'm not 100% sure why we grew so many. Or any at all. I'd eat them in my lunch. The rest, we'd give to my grandma. Ya, my mom didn't cook much.

I bought 2 tomato plants when I first moved out. 2 plants! We had so many tomatoes! And they were delicious. Every year after that, I'd buy a few plants. Mind you, I lived in an apartment. We had a small balcony. Where my few plants lived. In little terracotta pots. It became my thing.

Cooking? Not so much. I couldn't cook. But I could grow some delicious tomatoes! Oh yes I could. Late summer is always my favorite time of year. You get the most amazing tomatoes. The weather is perfect! It's starting to change. Oh, it's perfect!

When I moved in with my ex-husband, I brought my tomatoes. I didn't care about bath towels, dishes, or lamps. All of which I left behind. But my tomatoes, they came with me. He laughed. But when we had that first salad, he was sold. Months later, we were moving. Into this amazing house we had built. I made sure there was a perfect area for tomato planting. Perfection!

That year, I got a little fancy. I planted such a variety of tomatoes. Tomatoes I had never heard of. Heck, I'd never seen! Purple tomatoes. Have you ever? I hadn't. But I grew something like 40 different varieties of tomatoes. That year, I was also cooking. I'd learned a thing or two. My tomatoes were perfect in all these new dishes!

Later when I moved into my own home, I did it again. I planted all sorts of tomatoes. Striped, purple, mini, orange, giant. They were delicious! I'm sure I planted way too many! I would pack them in baskets, and send them to friends. I cooked and cooked. I froze, canned, anything you could figure out to make with them, I made.

This is the first time, that I can remember, not growing tomatoes. Sure the reason is legit. But I miss it. I miss watching the seeds turn into seedlings. Then into plants. Growing big, and finally getting fruit. I miss that. I miss the yummy taste. The distinct taste of homegrown food.

My goal is, next year, to have another tomato garden. I pray that my dear Lord, will allow us to be home. Allow me to show my daughter some of these amazing things. How hard work, pays off. How amazing God is to us. Yes, I can't wait. Next season is going to be so delicious!

Dancing with the Stars

I'm a HUGE Dancing with the Stars fan! My Teddy Bear had to get used to that fact. And my Brother B, is learning to just go with the flow. Yup, for a few years now, me and this show have been BFFs! Funny? I'm not sure. But we have been BFFs.

When I was pregnant, My Teddy Bear would come over. He'd drive 3 and a half hours, to my house. Every Monday night. He'd sit on my front steps with takeout, waiting for me to get home from work. We'd eat. Laugh our butts off. Watch my favorite show. Oh, and we'd get stuff ready for my Baby Girl.

For almost the last year, we've been in hospitals. I've tried to keep at least this little thing, constant for us. Every Monday and Tuesday, we watch. I pick out my favorite, and vote like crazy! Secretly, I think these 2 men in my life, are BIG fans too! Just don't say anything. ;)

I was so disappointed in this season's lineup. I can't lie. Heck, it started a 3 hour discussion. Between the 3 of us, and our nurses. I'm still going to watch. I have absolutely no clue who to cheer on. Can I admit it? I had to google most of the names. I'm really NOT too excited for the show to start. That hurts. You know, since I'm a big fan and all. It's nothing personal, to any of the celebs, I just can't connect to any of them.....

How YouTube Has Changed Me

Years ago, I spent many, many hours, watching YouTube videos. My ex husband and I traveled 50% of the time. For his job. I wasn't too close, to many of the guys, we traveled with. Many of the wives traveled later in the week. I was on my own. So I watched YouTube.

I got ADDICTED to YouTube videos. I learned how to cook. Yes, there are some good cooks on YouTube. I tried to learn about makeup. And style. Mostly, I was just looking to be entertained. I pour over hours and hours of videos just like the one below.

Now my days and nights are full of the hospital. My daughter, and her health issues. But I'm still drawn to a few YouTube channels. I don't watch many. But I try. And now, I read blogs. Kandee has always been a favorite of mine. Her positive attitude has always been something that I've enjoyed. I enjoy her makeup blog, her daily blog, and of course her YouTube videos.



Yes, there used to be a time when I watched these videos to fill up my time. Now I watch them, in the middle of the night. When I'm too stressed or worried to sleep. When all those dark thoughts start to creep into my mind. Yes, I'm grateful for Kandee and so many others. Many times, these videos keep me going. No matter if they are about makeup, or cooking. It's just a nice break from my reality.

Friday Fill Ins: Carrots

Friday. When did you come? This week has just been a blur. I'm glad it's almost over. Here are my Friday Fill-Ins.

1. When I was 10 years old I got my period. (It was horrible!)

2. Baby Carrots is my favorite vegetable because you can dip them in Ranch dressing.

3. My dream pet is my dog. (He is the best!)

4. LOVE surrounds you. 

5. If I could live anywhere in the world I'd live in a safe and comfy home with my Baby Girl and my Teddy Bear. (With my bestie, Blue Eyes, and their kiddos.....next door to us!)

6. Sunshine keep on shinin' on me.  

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to some peaceful letter writing, tomorrow my plans include a long phone call with my Teddy Bear and Sunday, I want to play with my Baby Girl!