Santa...Read Here!

I should start this post by saying, I'm not the most stylish woman. I lean heavily, on my friends. To you know, show me the ropes. I'm not kidding! After my separation, my friends took me to NYC. For a makeover, and shopping. Because, I had no style!

That doesn't mean, that I want to look frumpy. I like dressing up. I like feeling put together. And feeling like a woman. I just need help! But I do look at lots of magazines, I read many fashion blogs, and seek help from friends.

To be 100% honest though, the last year, I've lived in sweats. Sometimes leggings. And even days and days of PJs. I'm not proud. But I'm honest! Most of all, I like to be comfy. My clothes need to function. I have a sick baby. And a broken body of my own. That means, complicated clothes, don't fit into my lifestyle. Just plain and simple.

My Bestie has this great style. She is so cool and comfy. All the time! She has this ladylike look when she works. Most stylish doctor I know! Then she has these fun and funky clothes, when she performs. You should hear her sing! So I ask her a lot of questions. ;) A while back, my Bestie blogged about this cape. Love it!

Looks sorta like a jacket. Totally comfy. Just my style! Um, Santa if you are reading this...I want this for Christmas. And I swear, I've been a good girl! :) This cape, would totally dress up my usual outfit. And I might just try a little harder, to put on a pair of jeans...a few times a week!

Trust in Him

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.” Psalms 28:7


I'm home. Thank God! Last Monday, I went into the hospital, for surgery on my arm and shoulder. It was postponed until Tuesday. And I've spent the last few days, recovering. I'm still in a lot of pain. But thankful that God, has pulled me through this. Late this afternoon, I came home. I'm so glad!

If you noticed, I had scheduled some posts, while I was away. My Brother helped me with Friday Fill-Ins. And well, I think it went well. I still have posts scheduled for this week. I'm hoping by Friday, I'll be feeling better. Enough to blog. Because this is painful. I'm typing with my left hand. And this little post, this far, has taken about an hour to type up!

I'm very thankful to some amazing people. My Teddy Bear. Who never left my side. Has taken care of my precious Baby Girl. Loved us to pieces. His family...they're priceless! My Brother B. For just being truly amazing! Best little brother that anyone could ask for. My Bestie, she's just great! Praying for me. Calling every day, to just check on me. This guy, who has a HUGE heart! Bestie are you listening? ;) And my amazing friend and her family. Thanks guys! So many other friends were amazing and supportive. Thank you guys. I know, that our health is improving, just because we have you! Praying for us, loving us, and supporting us. Thank you!

This is my cue, to get some rest. My precious Baby Girl is sleeping. The house is quiet. And my dog, W is nudging me to lay down. I'm going to follow W's lead. Time for me, to get some sleep! I hope you are all having a good week. :)

I Choose to Love You!

Pretty much sums up how I feel about my Baby Girl and my Teddy Bear. Over the last 2 years, I've come to realize what's most important in the world. Love. Family. Honesty. Respect. Faith.

Family is not always the ones we were born into. Nor the ones we marry into. But the ones we create along the way. The people that want to be in your life. For the good and the bad. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I'd go through all that pain, hurt, and sorrow. Just to be able, to get to this good point.

It's all be well worth it! To know, I would get these 2 perfect people in my life. I do it the same. I'd choice the same. And I'd love even more!

Please Pray

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Today, I'm going in for surgery. On my right shoulder and arm. Something that was supposed to happen, nearly a year ago. At the time, I didn't want to leave my Baby Girl. So I've dealt with the pain. So much pain!

This morning, I hope the doctors are able to repair everything. One shot. I don't want to be under the weather long. My Baby Girl needs me. I'm trying to be strong. But I am scared. Please, say an extra prayer for me today. I could definitely use it.

Makes Me Want to Be an Angel

Earlier this week, I watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. I should start off with, I've never been a lingerie kind of woman. Never! I've never been comfortable in my body. I think that's most of my problem. But for some reason, this year, watching this show, I want to go buy lingerie. Well, maybe not lingerie. But fun bras and undies. Sorta makes me want to be an angel...

Our Turkey Day

First of all, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving, had to be the best one I've ever had. No exaggerations! As a kid, holidays were always horrible. It was pathetic. For years, my grandma tried, to make the holidays special for us. But I know that it was hard for her.

My parents always fought. ALWAYS! My mom couldn't cook. There was so much tension. I used to HATE being off of school. As we got older, my mom remarried. Things got worse. My brother and I were tossed aside. I tried to do things. So my brother wouldn't realize what was going on. It was tough.

But this year, it was different. SO DIFFERENT! After spending last year, in the hospital, I was looking forward to a good day. My Teddy Bear and I, wanted to make it special. A new beginning. Start traditions for my Baby Girl. And we did!

My Teddy Bear's family came over. And honestly, did 98% of the cooking. We all sat and talked. Helped each other. I learned how to really cut an onion. We baked pies. Not the ones from the frozen food case either. Real pies!

There was music. Lots of jokes. Plenty of family time. Watching the parade. Can you believe it? I had NEVER seen the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. NEVER! We watched football. The guys went out and played football. We said prayers. Told everyone what we were thankful for. Spent 3 hours sitting at the table. Eating! 3 HOURS!!! It was so much fun! And look at this outfit.

My Baby Girl was dressed up like a turkey! She looked adorable. Was so cuddly and warm. The perfect Thanksgiving outfit.

We couldn't stop there. W got into the holiday spirit too! Like his outfit? He didn't mind it. But then again, he's pretty chill.

We played games and ate, well into the night. Friends came over. Blue Eyes stopped in, just to spoil my Baby Girl. Our day started at 5AM. And we played games, talked, and ate pumpkin pie until 2AM! It was so much more than I could have ever asked for. A day full of the people I love. The only person missing was my Bestie.

I want my Baby Girl to have memories like this. Happy memories. Days filled with love. Happiness. Making new traditions. Talking about our blessings. Eating more food in 3 hours, than we usually eat in a week!

At the end of the night, 5 things stood out.
1. My Brother B was so happy. He actually told me, "This is what it feels like, to be part of a family. It's incredible! Thanks Hills!"
2. My heart had so much love for my Baby Girl. Today, I really felt like a mommy. Making memories for my Baby Girl.
3. I'm 100% positive, I've never seen my Teddy Bear this happy. He told me, "This is just our beginning. We're going to have a 1000 more." You know what, I believe him. With all of my heart!
4. My Teddy Bear's mom and sister, pulled me aside. To thank me. For making this guy so happy. They can tell, we've become a family. :) 
5. I've never felt so much love in my life. Ever! My Bestie called. She made me cry. Just by telling me what I meant to her.

We had so many people come over. Fill our home with love. I know, that not every year is going to be like this. I know this. I've lived lots of those horrible years. But I want so much better for my daughter. Heck, for myself. And my brother. We deserve to be loved. To enjoy life. I'm telling you, this man is changing our lives. In so many ways. This year, I'm so thankful for the people in my life. For their love. And for my life.

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! What a beautiful holiday this is. I'm looking forward to a day full of family and friends. Don't forget the food! The last 2 Thanksgivings, haven't been too great. So I've really been looking forward to this day.

We have so much to celebrate this year! I don't even know where to begin. But I know this, God is great! He has helped My Baby Girl and I, to heal. He's brought us back my Brother B. And sent us Our Teddy Bear. And his amazing family.

Today, is going to be amazing. Just because, we're going to be surrounded by loved ones. My Teddy Bear's family is here. His mom is cooking. I'm hoping to learn something. :) We'll also be celebrating this guy's accomplishments. And playing lots of games. You should see the pile of games sitting in the living room.

Yes, it's going to be a good day. I'm so happy! I know that we're blessed. And I hope all of you, have an  amazing Thanksgiving!

Soul Mates and Love

I've never been a big believer in Love. Or soul mates. My parents had a horrible and violent relationship. They divorced when I was in elementary school. My grandparents also divorced when I was young. I just figured, love wasn't a real thing. It was something that only happened in Fairy Tales.

I dated in high school. And as a young adult. But things always seemed doomed. I put everything in, but got nothing out. I seemed to find all the wrong guys. The ones that never wanted to put anything in. Just take from you. Pieces of my soul, just kept being taken. Leaving me empty.

Then I met my ex-husband. He gave me hope. He made me believe in love. Was my prince. Showed me that life could be fun, happy, and full of love. I believed him. I believed in us. And a "Happily Ever After." I knew things weren't ALWAYS going to be perfect. So did he. We both came from these horribly broken families. Hopeless really. But we believed in each other.

We married. We dreamed. Dreamt of big things. HUGE things! A life together. Full of Love. Something that neither of us had before. We believed in each other, until we didn't. Life got HORRIBLE! Real quick. And my faith in love, vanished. COMPLETELY!!!

Then he came into my life. He'd been an acquaintance before. Someone that I'd known because of my ex-husband. And his friends. I didn't know much about him. Other than when I saw him at work. Or hanging out with this guy. I just didn't know him. But for a very long time, he always seemed like, he had something to tell me. But he didn't know what to say.

When my ex-husband and I originally decided to separate, we were doing it, to work on the problems in our marriage. I know it sounds odd. But we had a plan. It just didn't work out. He didn't want this life that we had built together. And I was on my own. Pregnant, and on my own...

But that old friend, he came knocking. Literally, knocking on my door. He had heard, that I was in a bit of trouble. Probably from this guy. And he was my shoulder to cry on. The one person, that I could totally depend on. During my entire pregnancy, this man, was right by my side. Every Monday, he'd drive over 3 hours, so we could have dinner. And just hangout. People, he even watched DWTS with me. Every week!

My ex-husband was denying me. Denying our Baby Girl. It was horrible! But I had this guy to lean on. He helped me, get my Baby Girl's nursery in order. We went to birthing classes together. With another friend. Because we needed to have a plan. Weekly, my daughter got presents. My dog enjoyed lots of treats.

Then when we had our accident, this man, flew to be at our side. When he couldn't be there, he had his mom or sister, to be there for him. Never have I had to be alone. When we realized how serious my Baby Girl's health was, he was strong enough, for both of us. He talked with my Bestie, and they found us the best care. He picked up my finances for me. I haven't had to worry about a thing!

Most of all, I haven't had to be alone. He's been at my side. He's made me believe in the impossible. My Teddy Bear has been amazing. He's been a true Daddy to my daughter. He found my Brother B. He's taken care of all of us. Made us laugh. Comforted me when I've needed it the most. Been my best friend. Loved my daughter.

And when it was time for us all to go home, he made it possible. Not only did he get us home. He took us to HIS HOME!!! Made all 3 of us, and my dog, feel right at home. He's done everything in his power, to make us comfortable. And loved.

When I first met this guy, I knew he was different. Maybe it was that sly smile. It could have been his eyes. His laugh is also so full and genuine. There's just something about him, that makes me feel at ease. Safe. Loved. Comfortable. Happy.

There are few people, that really get me. The silly blond. The one that forgets everything. Laughs at stupid jokes. Forgets the punchline to jokes. Drinks banana milk. Has "thunder thighs." Loves with everything I've got. Laughs harder than anyone you know.

Yes, even back then, I knew he was special. I just didn't realize how special he was. Now I know. I've always been a cynical about love. Soul mates? I never believed in them. Not with my whole heart. Until now. I know that I'm loved. My daughter is loved. My brother is loved. I know that this man, is such a good guy! He makes me believe in me. And without trying, he's made me believe in soul mates. Yes, he has!

GumDrops Save the Day!

Way back when, I called my Bestie. I wanted to pick at her brain. I wanted to know everything that she knew. Every single thing about babies. She works in the PICU/NICU at a hospital. My Bestie is also all about nutrition, and teaches about breastfeeding. So I called. A lot!!! Poor my friend. I probably called 20 times a  day. For my entire pregnancy! But my Bestie was so sweet to me. She helped me pick the best cloth diapers, nursery essentials, and breast pump.

I researched everything like a nut! I was a single mommy-to-be. Pregnant, alone, and scared. My Bestie lives across the country from me. I'd just moved 2 1/2 hours away, from everyone that I knew. And money was tight. But I wanted the best, that I could provide, for my daughter.

I was determined to breastfeed. I researched and researched. I needed some bottles. Because after 6 weeks, I'd have to go back to work. My Baby Girl would be in Daycare. Just down the road, from where I was working. My Bestie told me about some awesome bottles. And she gave me a few packs of GumDrops.

This would change everything! These pacifiers were supposed to be good for breastfeeding babies. A design that wouldn't confuse a baby. I ordered a few more things. Then this Guy, showed up with enough supplies, to last a few years! No lie!

GumDrops have definitely been lifesavers for us. When my Baby Girl had to learn how to suckle, GumDrops were the key. She LOVES GumDrops! They've helped in so many ways. And I've suggested them, for my friends' babies too. Lots of them have babies, a little older than my daughter. Right now, they're using them to chew on. Because they're teething. I'm telling you GumDrops are straight from heaven! If you have a baby, I'd definitely recommend these pacifiers. There are so many fun colors, and flavors. :)

De Colores

Let's start of with a little background info. I was born and raised, until I was 15, in the southwest. There were only 2 blond kids in my entire elementary school! I was one of them. The other was popular. Greg's grandma was a volunteer at our school. He was golden because of this. I on the other hand, was a total outcast. My only friend, was this gal. I was cool with that. She has been an amazing friend to me. I can't even begin to tell you, just how much she means to me.

At our school, we always did fun class performances. Things like Spanish Dancing, or singing Spanish Music. It was always a lot of fun. Our teachers would put up these props and houses. We'd practice for weeks. Then we'd put on our show. Most of the time at our school. But also at the local high school, or the Mall!

When I was 6 or 7, we were having a Holiday Show. I practiced hard. Learned all the music. Which was hard. It was all in Spanish. But my grandparents helped me. I begged my mom for a new dress. I wasn't asking for much. Something that she could make me. I didn't care. I just wanted something new. Everyone else was getting something new. Not me.

I wore black tights with this ugly, long pink sweater. It had a dog on the front. And had a hole on the side. My mom did manage to get me this embarrassingly huge bow for my hair. It was the 80s. There we were. Me and all my classmates. Everyone in new Christmas clothes. Me in my pink sweater. I was so nervous. We walked up the stage. We started singing. My favorite song, De Colores.



And I accidentally pushed over the "Hacienda." I had 3 teachers screaming at me. But I kept singing. With my "white accent" and all. As loud as I could. I'm pretty sure, everyone else had stopped singing. What could I do? I'll never forget that day. My mom wouldn't talk to me for days. My dad said I was an embarrassment. But I sang my favorite song. That's all that mattered. At least, that day.

Jump ahead. I'm 27, and pregnant. My Bestie is throwing me and my Baby Girl a Baby Shower. I'm happy as can be. As happy as a 8 month, pregnant mommy can be. I could barely move. But I was so happy! And I opened 1 of the many gifts, that my Bestie got us. It was this book...

I cried. It's the best book ever! I've read it many, many times to my Baby Girl. We've sat and talked about it. I've told her my funny story. Played her the song. Heck, I've even sang it to her a few hundred times. :) I might only be 1/4 Hispanic. But it still matters.

I want my Baby Girl to know about our family. Our roots. I want to share with her, a little bit of our history and culture. It's such a colorful, wonderful, and fun culture. This is just the beginning. But it's such a great place to start. I'm glad we have De Colores to share. :)

Being a Mommy

"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!" Psalm 113:9

I never knew that I'd be a mommy. Never. I sort of dreamt about it. But the reality of it is, I never thought I'd be a mom. Probably because, I had a pretty horrible childhood. One that leaves a lot to be desired. My parents divorced. I was always out casted. Nothing ever felt right. I never felt safe. Rarely felt loved.

The moment I found I was pregnant, with my first baby, I was so full of love. And joy! I knew that I'd be a mom. Full of love. I'd be that mom, that I always wanted. My husband wanted kids. I knew this was going to be a good road. We had been married 3 1/2 months. I was so excited!

If we hadn't lost our baby, I'd have a 20 month old baby! Can you imagine? In my heart, I always knew, we were having a girl. I just knew it. But life had a different plan for me. A different plan for my husband. Things were tough after that. Nothing was ever the same. We tried. I tried. But it never felt right again.

Then, I got some more glorious news. God was blessing us. I thought, this was our way, back to one another. I found out I was pregnant in February 2010. I was so excited! I was getting a second chance. Our little family, was getting a second chance.

Things didn't work out the way I had hoped. My husband and I ultimately split up. Had I been alone, not pregnant, I would have fought to keep our marriage together. I could have looked past his indiscretions. But not with a baby. I couldn't put my baby through that. My baby deserved a better life. A better beginning.

In the following months, I did everything that I could, to ensure a healthy baby. I prepared in the best way that I could. I went to the doctor, Every single week, from 6 weeks, to 42 weeks. I ate differently. I exercised. I did everything that I possibly could. My entire life, now revolved around my baby girl.

I bought a home. Had a good and stable job. I furnished our home. Took care of my dog. Got my baby's nursery ready. I researched everything that I bought. I had 3 friends go with me to birthing classes. I got a midwife. I even applied to the best day cares and schools. I was doing everything that I could, to make sure my baby would be healthy. And have every possible opportunity.

In my eyes, that's what a mother does. She takes care of her family. She nurtures her children. Protects them. Something my mom never did for me. My mom out casted me. Later, she'd stop talking to me. Blame all her failures on me. She even forbid my family, from talking to me. I wanted better for my daughter.

Most of all, I looked to God during this time. I put my trust in him. And he rewarded me. With amazing friends. Of course, my bestie. And my friend, and for a short period, he was also my boss. The one guy that I was most surprised by, was this man. Who completely took over. Making sure my baby and I were being taken care of. That our needs were being met. That we were safe, and healthy.

I look at being a mom, as being the ultimate blessing. The one thing in life, that is so precious and pure. There is not a single thing in life, that I wouldn't do for my baby. I still think of my first baby. I can never forget. And my Baby Girl, I can't ever give up on her.

Her birth was nothing that I had imagined. Or ever envisioned. We were in a horrible car accident. One day, I'll blog about the details. Tell you how it was. What I went through. The things I remember. The feelings. The things that people later would tell me. It was the day that would forever change my life.

Now, I have a perfect Baby Girl. One that has had to fight, every day of her little life. She's fought to stay alive. We've never left the hospital. Months old, we flew from one Children's Hospital, to another. All to save her life. To try and right the wrongs, done to her little body. I'm still recovery. But I'm not the priority. My Baby Girl is. She's all that matters.

I have to make all the decisions for us. I don't always have the answers. I turn to friends, and doctors. For guidance. To ensure that I'm making the best decisions. Some days are tougher than others. Some are just filled with love. And cooing baby girls.

Being a mom has forever changed my life. I will always put my daughter first. I'll always have her interests in mind, when making decisions. She'll always be my priority. The one that needs to be protected. God has entrusted me with a beautiful baby. Now it's my job, and complete life's goal, to make sure my baby is safe, happy, and healthy. That's what being a mom is. Nurturing your little one, always loving them, always being here to protect them. I LOVE being a mommy. It's the one thing in my life, that I'd never change. Ever!

4 Weeks

In just 4 weeks, I'll have a one year old baby girl. I'm so excited! 11 months ago, I never thought that would be a reality. I prayed that it would turn out well. But deep in my heart, I was scared. Really scared. That we wouldn't make it here. It's been a tough 11 months. But I'm so grateful to God, because he's made this all possible.

It's crazy, a year ago, I thought I had my entire life planned out. I knew what I was doing. I had applied to the best of day cares, and schools. I was working. And I had everything ready. To bring home my baby girl. I had her nursery perfect. It was ready for her. A year ago, we were having Baby Showers. Celebrating my baby. I was so excited.

The last 11 months, they've tested me in ways, that I never knew about. I never realized that I was this strong. Or could get through such difficult stuff. It's amazing. God makes so many things possible. I'm so glad that I found my way back to him. Before all this happened. Without God, I don't think I could have made it. I wouldn't have been strong enough.

There are things that I miss about that time. Before my world was completely rocked. I miss home. Like nobody's business. I miss my bed. Seeing my Baby Girl's nursery. I miss it all! Even burning my dinner, because I was trying a new recipe, and got sidetracked. Yes, I miss that life.

I miss feeling in control. Of semi-knowing what was going to happen next. Now, I'm lost. I have to give all of my faith to God, and all of these doctors. But it's worth it. To have my precious baby girl. There are definitely times when I feel alone, and weak. But then, God answers my prayers.

In 4 weeks, my daughter will turn 1. It will be a year since our horrible accident. One year since I my life forever changed. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Or what is right. All I know is, that day changed my life. As hard as this year has been, it's all been worth it. Every time I look at my baby girl, or hold her, I know that it's all worth it!

Yes, in 4 weeks, I'll celebrate something amazing. But I'll also remember the toughest day of my life. The toughest part of my life. I've lost so much. But I have this amazing little girl. That I get to love and nurture. She is worth every hardship I've had to endure. In 4 weeks, I'll be celebrating my little girl. And just how far we've come.

Tomato Grower

One thing that I did get from my mom is, growing tomatoes. When I was growing up, she had so many plants. I'm not even lying. When I was really little, my mom would put 20 pots on our back patio. Filled with all kinds of tomato plants. Nothing too wild. Mostly beef streak tomatoes, and cherry tomatoes. But we always had so many. I'm not 100% sure why we grew so many. Or any at all. I'd eat them in my lunch. The rest, we'd give to my grandma. Ya, my mom didn't cook much.

I bought 2 tomato plants when I first moved out. 2 plants! We had so many tomatoes! And they were delicious. Every year after that, I'd buy a few plants. Mind you, I lived in an apartment. We had a small balcony. Where my few plants lived. In little terracotta pots. It became my thing.

Cooking? Not so much. I couldn't cook. But I could grow some delicious tomatoes! Oh yes I could. Late summer is always my favorite time of year. You get the most amazing tomatoes. The weather is perfect! It's starting to change. Oh, it's perfect!

When I moved in with my ex-husband, I brought my tomatoes. I didn't care about bath towels, dishes, or lamps. All of which I left behind. But my tomatoes, they came with me. He laughed. But when we had that first salad, he was sold. Months later, we were moving. Into this amazing house we had built. I made sure there was a perfect area for tomato planting. Perfection!

That year, I got a little fancy. I planted such a variety of tomatoes. Tomatoes I had never heard of. Heck, I'd never seen! Purple tomatoes. Have you ever? I hadn't. But I grew something like 40 different varieties of tomatoes. That year, I was also cooking. I'd learned a thing or two. My tomatoes were perfect in all these new dishes!

Later when I moved into my own home, I did it again. I planted all sorts of tomatoes. Striped, purple, mini, orange, giant. They were delicious! I'm sure I planted way too many! I would pack them in baskets, and send them to friends. I cooked and cooked. I froze, canned, anything you could figure out to make with them, I made.

This is the first time, that I can remember, not growing tomatoes. Sure the reason is legit. But I miss it. I miss watching the seeds turn into seedlings. Then into plants. Growing big, and finally getting fruit. I miss that. I miss the yummy taste. The distinct taste of homegrown food.

My goal is, next year, to have another tomato garden. I pray that my dear Lord, will allow us to be home. Allow me to show my daughter some of these amazing things. How hard work, pays off. How amazing God is to us. Yes, I can't wait. Next season is going to be so delicious!

Yum!

I didn't get into YouTube until I began dating my ex. We were on the road all the time. While we were on the road, I'd find myself alone for 6-10 hours at a time. With absolutely nothing to do. I got into YouTube. I watched all sorts of videos. Makeup, hair, cooking, hilarious, vlogs, you name it. I watched it!

During this same time, I wanted to learn how to cook. I wanted to at least be able to cook something, for the man I was dating. Did I mention I had no clue how to cook. None! I had moved out of my parents' house, into an apartment with my friends. I bought the groceries, they cooked. I got good at cleaning up too. But I couldn't cook to save my life!

That's until I found Betty. She had some good videos. Lots of different recipes. Not just desserts. All sorts of food. I watched. I took notes. I made lists. I called my bestie. Then I ventured out. The first few times were horrible. I burned the dinner twice, I almost killed us once (the chicken wasn't all the way cooked,) and I just gave up, half way through another meal. But I was determined to cook at least 3 dinners a week.

I continued to watch Betty. I learned. I enjoyed all of her videos. And the easy way of her cooking. When I was single again, I tried it all. I'd try all sorts of recipes. I'd add in Betty's recipes to the mix. It was wonderful! Thanks Betty! You made me a cook. And I'm very happy about that.

This recipe, I want to try it out. Doesn't it look yummy? All I want to do, is make this Dirt Cake. Yes, Betty is also responsible for me gaining a few healthy pounds. But at the time, I was pregnant. I think that was a good deal.

Not Skilled

There used to be a time when I was semi-skilled in makeup. My high point must have been, my freshman year of high school. But I'm thinking, it was only because my mom didn't care when, or if I wore makeup. I began wearing it young. Not a lot. Not like a clown. But I was ahead of the curve.

I played a lot with makeup, at home. I wore very little out. But I knew what I was doing. Then somewhere along the way, I lost it. Maybe everyone else just caught up with me. Maybe I stopped caring about such petty things. I don't know. I just lost my skills, and stopped caring about it.

Then I met my ex. I was supposed to "look" a certain way when we were in public. I relearned all sorts of things about makeup. I started to care about my appearance again. Doing my hair. Trying to do nice makeup. You know, slopping on more than one eyeshadow, and not forgetting the blush.

Again, after me ex and I split up, I just didn't care. My skills were weak to begin with. Honestly I was only making an effort for him. When we split, I just didn't care anymore. I didn't wear makeup for a long time.

Then I began working. Going out in public. That's when my friends whisked me away to NYC. Did a complete makeover on me. Hair, makeup, clothes. I got lessons on these things. I learned how to make my strawberry blond curls flirty. I perfected my makeup application. I was having fun. Things were becoming more natural.

Life had a different thing in mind. My life completely stopped. For 10 months now, I've worn only comfy clothes. No makeup. I barely manage my itty little ponytail. Yes, I've lost it all. I wish I could be like Kandee. I wish I could get it together. But I don't have the time. Honestly, for sitting in the hospital, I don't need all of that.

For the mean time, I watch Kandee's videos. I imagine a time when I can give myself 10 minutes, to put on an effort. To make myself look better. To do something that makes me feel good. That gives me more confidence. You know what I mean. I'd love to be able to do something like this.....

Wishing I Was Crafty

I must read 10 Craft Blogs every day. I look at all those projects. Heck, I even dream up the ones I would make. I read all of the instructions, word for word, like I know what I'm doing. You'd really think I was a crafter.

There are times when I even catch myself doing silly things. Like writing out lists. Of supplies I would need, if I actually made those crafts. Do you know what I mean? Lists full of fabric, zippers, jewelry supplies, and ribbon. I could fool anyone, who didn't know me better.

The reality of it is, I come from a family of crafters. Both my grandma and my mom sewed. For years and years. I'm pretty sure my mom still sews. I used to have to wear those creations, to school. I hated it! I looked like a cast member of Little House on the Prairie. No lie!

Heck, when I was a kid, I did tons of crafts. My grandma used to buy me those craft kits. You know the ones. Where you'd get a ton of supplies, and some vague instructions. I'd make earrings, pins, necklaces, whatever. I had that loop thing, were you'd make potholders, with fabric loops. All sorts of things like that.

These days, I can barely fix a broken earring. I try to fix minor wardrobe things. But let's be honest, I usually take them to the dry cleaners, or just buy something new. It's pathetic. I know. I can't even hem pants. Um, I use a stapler if they're too long. I know. That's bad! One day, I hope to be crafty. I hope to make things for my daughter. And for me.

I should probably start with something small. Crochet? Knitting? I need something simple. Something I can work on in the hospital. All I know is, I want to be a part of the Craft World. I want to be creative.

And this is where we begin.....

Welcome! New and old friends alike. I'm Hillary. I'm a mommy. To the most precious little girl. We've spent the last 8 months in the hospital. It's a long story. But one that is shaping both my little girl and I's life.

I'm also recently divorced. Recently reunited with my little brother. And just trying to make it through this thing we call life.

One thing I know, I'd never make it without a few key people. My little brother B, he's just my greatest supporter. I'm so glad we're back in touch. There's also my friend Blue Eyes. And the most complicated relationship ever, with my Teddy Bear. But my biggest supporter is definitely Des. My best friend, biggest cheerleader, and the best Nana to my baby girl.

This is our story. About our lives. The people that love us. And all the things that happen to make this our life. I hope you stick around and enjoy!