Santa...Read Here!

I should start this post by saying, I'm not the most stylish woman. I lean heavily, on my friends. To you know, show me the ropes. I'm not kidding! After my separation, my friends took me to NYC. For a makeover, and shopping. Because, I had no style!

That doesn't mean, that I want to look frumpy. I like dressing up. I like feeling put together. And feeling like a woman. I just need help! But I do look at lots of magazines, I read many fashion blogs, and seek help from friends.

To be 100% honest though, the last year, I've lived in sweats. Sometimes leggings. And even days and days of PJs. I'm not proud. But I'm honest! Most of all, I like to be comfy. My clothes need to function. I have a sick baby. And a broken body of my own. That means, complicated clothes, don't fit into my lifestyle. Just plain and simple.

My Bestie has this great style. She is so cool and comfy. All the time! She has this ladylike look when she works. Most stylish doctor I know! Then she has these fun and funky clothes, when she performs. You should hear her sing! So I ask her a lot of questions. ;) A while back, my Bestie blogged about this cape. Love it!

Looks sorta like a jacket. Totally comfy. Just my style! Um, Santa if you are reading this...I want this for Christmas. And I swear, I've been a good girl! :) This cape, would totally dress up my usual outfit. And I might just try a little harder, to put on a pair of jeans...a few times a week!

Trust in Him

“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.” Psalms 28:7


I'm home. Thank God! Last Monday, I went into the hospital, for surgery on my arm and shoulder. It was postponed until Tuesday. And I've spent the last few days, recovering. I'm still in a lot of pain. But thankful that God, has pulled me through this. Late this afternoon, I came home. I'm so glad!

If you noticed, I had scheduled some posts, while I was away. My Brother helped me with Friday Fill-Ins. And well, I think it went well. I still have posts scheduled for this week. I'm hoping by Friday, I'll be feeling better. Enough to blog. Because this is painful. I'm typing with my left hand. And this little post, this far, has taken about an hour to type up!

I'm very thankful to some amazing people. My Teddy Bear. Who never left my side. Has taken care of my precious Baby Girl. Loved us to pieces. His family...they're priceless! My Brother B. For just being truly amazing! Best little brother that anyone could ask for. My Bestie, she's just great! Praying for me. Calling every day, to just check on me. This guy, who has a HUGE heart! Bestie are you listening? ;) And my amazing friend and her family. Thanks guys! So many other friends were amazing and supportive. Thank you guys. I know, that our health is improving, just because we have you! Praying for us, loving us, and supporting us. Thank you!

This is my cue, to get some rest. My precious Baby Girl is sleeping. The house is quiet. And my dog, W is nudging me to lay down. I'm going to follow W's lead. Time for me, to get some sleep! I hope you are all having a good week. :)

I Choose to Love You!

Pretty much sums up how I feel about my Baby Girl and my Teddy Bear. Over the last 2 years, I've come to realize what's most important in the world. Love. Family. Honesty. Respect. Faith.

Family is not always the ones we were born into. Nor the ones we marry into. But the ones we create along the way. The people that want to be in your life. For the good and the bad. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. I'd go through all that pain, hurt, and sorrow. Just to be able, to get to this good point.

It's all be well worth it! To know, I would get these 2 perfect people in my life. I do it the same. I'd choice the same. And I'd love even more!

Please Pray

“Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Today, I'm going in for surgery. On my right shoulder and arm. Something that was supposed to happen, nearly a year ago. At the time, I didn't want to leave my Baby Girl. So I've dealt with the pain. So much pain!

This morning, I hope the doctors are able to repair everything. One shot. I don't want to be under the weather long. My Baby Girl needs me. I'm trying to be strong. But I am scared. Please, say an extra prayer for me today. I could definitely use it.

Makes Me Want to Be an Angel

Earlier this week, I watched the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. I should start off with, I've never been a lingerie kind of woman. Never! I've never been comfortable in my body. I think that's most of my problem. But for some reason, this year, watching this show, I want to go buy lingerie. Well, maybe not lingerie. But fun bras and undies. Sorta makes me want to be an angel...

Our Turkey Day

First of all, I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. This Thanksgiving, had to be the best one I've ever had. No exaggerations! As a kid, holidays were always horrible. It was pathetic. For years, my grandma tried, to make the holidays special for us. But I know that it was hard for her.

My parents always fought. ALWAYS! My mom couldn't cook. There was so much tension. I used to HATE being off of school. As we got older, my mom remarried. Things got worse. My brother and I were tossed aside. I tried to do things. So my brother wouldn't realize what was going on. It was tough.

But this year, it was different. SO DIFFERENT! After spending last year, in the hospital, I was looking forward to a good day. My Teddy Bear and I, wanted to make it special. A new beginning. Start traditions for my Baby Girl. And we did!

My Teddy Bear's family came over. And honestly, did 98% of the cooking. We all sat and talked. Helped each other. I learned how to really cut an onion. We baked pies. Not the ones from the frozen food case either. Real pies!

There was music. Lots of jokes. Plenty of family time. Watching the parade. Can you believe it? I had NEVER seen the Macy's Thanksgiving parade. NEVER! We watched football. The guys went out and played football. We said prayers. Told everyone what we were thankful for. Spent 3 hours sitting at the table. Eating! 3 HOURS!!! It was so much fun! And look at this outfit.

My Baby Girl was dressed up like a turkey! She looked adorable. Was so cuddly and warm. The perfect Thanksgiving outfit.

We couldn't stop there. W got into the holiday spirit too! Like his outfit? He didn't mind it. But then again, he's pretty chill.

We played games and ate, well into the night. Friends came over. Blue Eyes stopped in, just to spoil my Baby Girl. Our day started at 5AM. And we played games, talked, and ate pumpkin pie until 2AM! It was so much more than I could have ever asked for. A day full of the people I love. The only person missing was my Bestie.

I want my Baby Girl to have memories like this. Happy memories. Days filled with love. Happiness. Making new traditions. Talking about our blessings. Eating more food in 3 hours, than we usually eat in a week!

At the end of the night, 5 things stood out.
1. My Brother B was so happy. He actually told me, "This is what it feels like, to be part of a family. It's incredible! Thanks Hills!"
2. My heart had so much love for my Baby Girl. Today, I really felt like a mommy. Making memories for my Baby Girl.
3. I'm 100% positive, I've never seen my Teddy Bear this happy. He told me, "This is just our beginning. We're going to have a 1000 more." You know what, I believe him. With all of my heart!
4. My Teddy Bear's mom and sister, pulled me aside. To thank me. For making this guy so happy. They can tell, we've become a family. :) 
5. I've never felt so much love in my life. Ever! My Bestie called. She made me cry. Just by telling me what I meant to her.

We had so many people come over. Fill our home with love. I know, that not every year is going to be like this. I know this. I've lived lots of those horrible years. But I want so much better for my daughter. Heck, for myself. And my brother. We deserve to be loved. To enjoy life. I'm telling you, this man is changing our lives. In so many ways. This year, I'm so thankful for the people in my life. For their love. And for my life.

Soul Mates and Love

I've never been a big believer in Love. Or soul mates. My parents had a horrible and violent relationship. They divorced when I was in elementary school. My grandparents also divorced when I was young. I just figured, love wasn't a real thing. It was something that only happened in Fairy Tales.

I dated in high school. And as a young adult. But things always seemed doomed. I put everything in, but got nothing out. I seemed to find all the wrong guys. The ones that never wanted to put anything in. Just take from you. Pieces of my soul, just kept being taken. Leaving me empty.

Then I met my ex-husband. He gave me hope. He made me believe in love. Was my prince. Showed me that life could be fun, happy, and full of love. I believed him. I believed in us. And a "Happily Ever After." I knew things weren't ALWAYS going to be perfect. So did he. We both came from these horribly broken families. Hopeless really. But we believed in each other.

We married. We dreamed. Dreamt of big things. HUGE things! A life together. Full of Love. Something that neither of us had before. We believed in each other, until we didn't. Life got HORRIBLE! Real quick. And my faith in love, vanished. COMPLETELY!!!

Then he came into my life. He'd been an acquaintance before. Someone that I'd known because of my ex-husband. And his friends. I didn't know much about him. Other than when I saw him at work. Or hanging out with this guy. I just didn't know him. But for a very long time, he always seemed like, he had something to tell me. But he didn't know what to say.

When my ex-husband and I originally decided to separate, we were doing it, to work on the problems in our marriage. I know it sounds odd. But we had a plan. It just didn't work out. He didn't want this life that we had built together. And I was on my own. Pregnant, and on my own...

But that old friend, he came knocking. Literally, knocking on my door. He had heard, that I was in a bit of trouble. Probably from this guy. And he was my shoulder to cry on. The one person, that I could totally depend on. During my entire pregnancy, this man, was right by my side. Every Monday, he'd drive over 3 hours, so we could have dinner. And just hangout. People, he even watched DWTS with me. Every week!

My ex-husband was denying me. Denying our Baby Girl. It was horrible! But I had this guy to lean on. He helped me, get my Baby Girl's nursery in order. We went to birthing classes together. With another friend. Because we needed to have a plan. Weekly, my daughter got presents. My dog enjoyed lots of treats.

Then when we had our accident, this man, flew to be at our side. When he couldn't be there, he had his mom or sister, to be there for him. Never have I had to be alone. When we realized how serious my Baby Girl's health was, he was strong enough, for both of us. He talked with my Bestie, and they found us the best care. He picked up my finances for me. I haven't had to worry about a thing!

Most of all, I haven't had to be alone. He's been at my side. He's made me believe in the impossible. My Teddy Bear has been amazing. He's been a true Daddy to my daughter. He found my Brother B. He's taken care of all of us. Made us laugh. Comforted me when I've needed it the most. Been my best friend. Loved my daughter.

And when it was time for us all to go home, he made it possible. Not only did he get us home. He took us to HIS HOME!!! Made all 3 of us, and my dog, feel right at home. He's done everything in his power, to make us comfortable. And loved.

When I first met this guy, I knew he was different. Maybe it was that sly smile. It could have been his eyes. His laugh is also so full and genuine. There's just something about him, that makes me feel at ease. Safe. Loved. Comfortable. Happy.

There are few people, that really get me. The silly blond. The one that forgets everything. Laughs at stupid jokes. Forgets the punchline to jokes. Drinks banana milk. Has "thunder thighs." Loves with everything I've got. Laughs harder than anyone you know.

Yes, even back then, I knew he was special. I just didn't realize how special he was. Now I know. I've always been a cynical about love. Soul mates? I never believed in them. Not with my whole heart. Until now. I know that I'm loved. My daughter is loved. My brother is loved. I know that this man, is such a good guy! He makes me believe in me. And without trying, he's made me believe in soul mates. Yes, he has!

Romeo and Juliet

Do you remember the movie, "Romeo and Juliet?" I think I was in middle school when it came out. And I wasn't allowed to watch it. But when I got into high school, I watched it. I was hanging out with some friends. And we decided to watch it.

Every since, I've really liked this movie. I bought the soundtrack. But could never find the movie. The other night, it came out on TV. And I convinced this guy to watch it with me. He'd never seen it. Now it's one of our favorites!

One Day

One day, I'd LOVE a room, just like this. Full of beautiful windows. With lots of plants and trees, surrounding the outside. Something fresh, full of nature, and bright. A place to just relax in. A room that doesn't need a TV or radio. Just a place to explore with my Baby Girl.

And these colors. Oh, I LOVE these colors! I would have never thought, about mixing all these beautiful colors. But they look amazing together! I like how fun this room feels. I could just imagine spending afternoons in this room, reading. My Baby Girl napping. Or exploring and watching nature outside. I'm dreaming of a room just like this!

Could I Make This?

It looks like we're going to go home, sometime before New Year's! That makes me so excited! One, my daughter is getting stronger and healthier. Every day! Two, we get to go home. I haven't been home in nearly a year! The idea of going home, just gets me all excited!

I was thinking about all the things, that need to get done. All before we go home. I need to have our house cleaned. I also need to get a few pieces of furniture. And I'm sure, some medical equipment. I have this long list of things, that needs to get done. But all I can thing about, is this wreath!

Isn't it just so pretty? It's my favorite color, blue! It's simple. But fun. Oh, I want this wreath! Do you think I can make it? I'm not a "Crafty Bug," like my Bestie. But this doesn't look too tough to make.What do yo think? A wreath, some yarn, and a little fabric. Looks like felt? Cut into ovals or circles. I think I will be able to make this. :)

One of the main reasons, I want a pretty wreath is, in the South, everyone has wreaths! I've lived in the South for almost 14 years. There is something about all these little details. I'm learning them, as time goes by. Slowly. But I'm learning. If I get good at this, maybe I can figure out a wreath for every month. If not,I'll start buying wreaths, slowly. I could collect 12 in a few years. :)

De Colores

Let's start of with a little background info. I was born and raised, until I was 15, in the southwest. There were only 2 blond kids in my entire elementary school! I was one of them. The other was popular. Greg's grandma was a volunteer at our school. He was golden because of this. I on the other hand, was a total outcast. My only friend, was this gal. I was cool with that. She has been an amazing friend to me. I can't even begin to tell you, just how much she means to me.

At our school, we always did fun class performances. Things like Spanish Dancing, or singing Spanish Music. It was always a lot of fun. Our teachers would put up these props and houses. We'd practice for weeks. Then we'd put on our show. Most of the time at our school. But also at the local high school, or the Mall!

When I was 6 or 7, we were having a Holiday Show. I practiced hard. Learned all the music. Which was hard. It was all in Spanish. But my grandparents helped me. I begged my mom for a new dress. I wasn't asking for much. Something that she could make me. I didn't care. I just wanted something new. Everyone else was getting something new. Not me.

I wore black tights with this ugly, long pink sweater. It had a dog on the front. And had a hole on the side. My mom did manage to get me this embarrassingly huge bow for my hair. It was the 80s. There we were. Me and all my classmates. Everyone in new Christmas clothes. Me in my pink sweater. I was so nervous. We walked up the stage. We started singing. My favorite song, De Colores.



And I accidentally pushed over the "Hacienda." I had 3 teachers screaming at me. But I kept singing. With my "white accent" and all. As loud as I could. I'm pretty sure, everyone else had stopped singing. What could I do? I'll never forget that day. My mom wouldn't talk to me for days. My dad said I was an embarrassment. But I sang my favorite song. That's all that mattered. At least, that day.

Jump ahead. I'm 27, and pregnant. My Bestie is throwing me and my Baby Girl a Baby Shower. I'm happy as can be. As happy as a 8 month, pregnant mommy can be. I could barely move. But I was so happy! And I opened 1 of the many gifts, that my Bestie got us. It was this book...

I cried. It's the best book ever! I've read it many, many times to my Baby Girl. We've sat and talked about it. I've told her my funny story. Played her the song. Heck, I've even sang it to her a few hundred times. :) I might only be 1/4 Hispanic. But it still matters.

I want my Baby Girl to know about our family. Our roots. I want to share with her, a little bit of our history and culture. It's such a colorful, wonderful, and fun culture. This is just the beginning. But it's such a great place to start. I'm glad we have De Colores to share. :)

The Lion King

I was in elementary when the Lion King came out. I loved it! My Bestie and I, went out to watch it. It was a big deal to go to the movie theater. Especially together. It didn't happen often. But when it did, it was a big deal!

At the time, Disney was coming out with big movies every few months. And while my Bestie's favorite was Beauty and the Beast, mine was the Lion King. I liked all the animals, colors, and the music! The music was the best. I still enjoy listening to the soundtrack.

When I heard that Disney was re-releasing it, I was so excited! I've always wanted to share my favorite Disney movies, with my Baby Girl. I wish that we could go to the theaters to watch it. But the second best, we're going to buy this movie. And have lots of family movie nights.

Isn't that what having kids is all about? Sharing the things that you enjoy. Teaching them, loving them, and just enjoying the simple things in life. That's the way I feel. I want to share as many positive memories with my daughter as I can. Between, this picture of Simba, that face, reminds me of my Baby Girl.

Being a Mommy

"He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the LORD!" Psalm 113:9

I never knew that I'd be a mommy. Never. I sort of dreamt about it. But the reality of it is, I never thought I'd be a mom. Probably because, I had a pretty horrible childhood. One that leaves a lot to be desired. My parents divorced. I was always out casted. Nothing ever felt right. I never felt safe. Rarely felt loved.

The moment I found I was pregnant, with my first baby, I was so full of love. And joy! I knew that I'd be a mom. Full of love. I'd be that mom, that I always wanted. My husband wanted kids. I knew this was going to be a good road. We had been married 3 1/2 months. I was so excited!

If we hadn't lost our baby, I'd have a 20 month old baby! Can you imagine? In my heart, I always knew, we were having a girl. I just knew it. But life had a different plan for me. A different plan for my husband. Things were tough after that. Nothing was ever the same. We tried. I tried. But it never felt right again.

Then, I got some more glorious news. God was blessing us. I thought, this was our way, back to one another. I found out I was pregnant in February 2010. I was so excited! I was getting a second chance. Our little family, was getting a second chance.

Things didn't work out the way I had hoped. My husband and I ultimately split up. Had I been alone, not pregnant, I would have fought to keep our marriage together. I could have looked past his indiscretions. But not with a baby. I couldn't put my baby through that. My baby deserved a better life. A better beginning.

In the following months, I did everything that I could, to ensure a healthy baby. I prepared in the best way that I could. I went to the doctor, Every single week, from 6 weeks, to 42 weeks. I ate differently. I exercised. I did everything that I possibly could. My entire life, now revolved around my baby girl.

I bought a home. Had a good and stable job. I furnished our home. Took care of my dog. Got my baby's nursery ready. I researched everything that I bought. I had 3 friends go with me to birthing classes. I got a midwife. I even applied to the best day cares and schools. I was doing everything that I could, to make sure my baby would be healthy. And have every possible opportunity.

In my eyes, that's what a mother does. She takes care of her family. She nurtures her children. Protects them. Something my mom never did for me. My mom out casted me. Later, she'd stop talking to me. Blame all her failures on me. She even forbid my family, from talking to me. I wanted better for my daughter.

Most of all, I looked to God during this time. I put my trust in him. And he rewarded me. With amazing friends. Of course, my bestie. And my friend, and for a short period, he was also my boss. The one guy that I was most surprised by, was this man. Who completely took over. Making sure my baby and I were being taken care of. That our needs were being met. That we were safe, and healthy.

I look at being a mom, as being the ultimate blessing. The one thing in life, that is so precious and pure. There is not a single thing in life, that I wouldn't do for my baby. I still think of my first baby. I can never forget. And my Baby Girl, I can't ever give up on her.

Her birth was nothing that I had imagined. Or ever envisioned. We were in a horrible car accident. One day, I'll blog about the details. Tell you how it was. What I went through. The things I remember. The feelings. The things that people later would tell me. It was the day that would forever change my life.

Now, I have a perfect Baby Girl. One that has had to fight, every day of her little life. She's fought to stay alive. We've never left the hospital. Months old, we flew from one Children's Hospital, to another. All to save her life. To try and right the wrongs, done to her little body. I'm still recovery. But I'm not the priority. My Baby Girl is. She's all that matters.

I have to make all the decisions for us. I don't always have the answers. I turn to friends, and doctors. For guidance. To ensure that I'm making the best decisions. Some days are tougher than others. Some are just filled with love. And cooing baby girls.

Being a mom has forever changed my life. I will always put my daughter first. I'll always have her interests in mind, when making decisions. She'll always be my priority. The one that needs to be protected. God has entrusted me with a beautiful baby. Now it's my job, and complete life's goal, to make sure my baby is safe, happy, and healthy. That's what being a mom is. Nurturing your little one, always loving them, always being here to protect them. I LOVE being a mommy. It's the one thing in my life, that I'd never change. Ever!

How Times Have Changed

I can remember when I was younger. 6 of us lived in one apartment. Yes, 6 young, twenty somethings. That many women, in that small of space, is definitely a recipe for disaster. But we made it work.

Saturday nights were always our favorite. Even working 2 jobs, I made sure, to get Saturday nights off. So we could go and have some fun! I'd have a couple of these too.....

Most of the time, Sunday mornings, I felt like death. But me and my friends had had a good time. We'd forgotten about some of our troubles. At least for a few hours. My Saturday nights were full of loud music, Redheaded Sluts, and probably too much fun!

Nowadays, my Saturday nights are filled with my cooing baby girl. Curled up in my arms. A good movie is a total must have, with good takeout. Chinese is my favorite! A phone call from my Teddy Bear, is always a bonus! Don't forget the banana milk. :)

Yes, Saturday nights have changed. Drastically! But for me, they've completely changed for the better. I couldn't be happier. With my baby girl in my arms, my brother at my side, and this amazing man on the phone. Oh, and pass my banana milk!

Really Facebook.....

I joined Facebook to be closer to my bestie. To chat with her when she's busy. Which is almost 100% of the time. No lie! I've been on there less than a week. And already, I'm feeling the heat.

I was searching for some of my favorite bloggers. Minding my own business. Then that little thing on the side pops up. Something about "You might know....." I sent a friend request to a few people. You know, moms. People that I could relate to.

The last few days have been a little busy. Taking care of my precious little girl. I finally signed on today. I was shocked. Surprised. Whatever. My account had been spammed. Well, I wasn't trying to do anything. Just connect to other people. Other moms. Instead, FB is down my back. Spammed my account. It could be closed.

Why? Because I tried to make friends. Man, this is just like in elementary school! What can you do? Apparently not much. If you didn't want to be my friend, just deny my request. No need to spam me. I'm just a mom. A sometimes, lonely mom. That spends 24/7 in a hospital. Just trying to make it through the day. And here I thought, FB would be a place to meet nice people. I was so wrong!

If FB decides to let me keep my account, you can find me here. If you want to be friends, I will excitedly be friends with you! I know how it feels. Anyway, that is my ramble. On to more important things. Like reading to my daughter. 

4 Weeks

In just 4 weeks, I'll have a one year old baby girl. I'm so excited! 11 months ago, I never thought that would be a reality. I prayed that it would turn out well. But deep in my heart, I was scared. Really scared. That we wouldn't make it here. It's been a tough 11 months. But I'm so grateful to God, because he's made this all possible.

It's crazy, a year ago, I thought I had my entire life planned out. I knew what I was doing. I had applied to the best of day cares, and schools. I was working. And I had everything ready. To bring home my baby girl. I had her nursery perfect. It was ready for her. A year ago, we were having Baby Showers. Celebrating my baby. I was so excited.

The last 11 months, they've tested me in ways, that I never knew about. I never realized that I was this strong. Or could get through such difficult stuff. It's amazing. God makes so many things possible. I'm so glad that I found my way back to him. Before all this happened. Without God, I don't think I could have made it. I wouldn't have been strong enough.

There are things that I miss about that time. Before my world was completely rocked. I miss home. Like nobody's business. I miss my bed. Seeing my Baby Girl's nursery. I miss it all! Even burning my dinner, because I was trying a new recipe, and got sidetracked. Yes, I miss that life.

I miss feeling in control. Of semi-knowing what was going to happen next. Now, I'm lost. I have to give all of my faith to God, and all of these doctors. But it's worth it. To have my precious baby girl. There are definitely times when I feel alone, and weak. But then, God answers my prayers.

In 4 weeks, my daughter will turn 1. It will be a year since our horrible accident. One year since I my life forever changed. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel. Or what is right. All I know is, that day changed my life. As hard as this year has been, it's all been worth it. Every time I look at my baby girl, or hold her, I know that it's all worth it!

Yes, in 4 weeks, I'll celebrate something amazing. But I'll also remember the toughest day of my life. The toughest part of my life. I've lost so much. But I have this amazing little girl. That I get to love and nurture. She is worth every hardship I've had to endure. In 4 weeks, I'll be celebrating my little girl. And just how far we've come.

Tomato Grower

One thing that I did get from my mom is, growing tomatoes. When I was growing up, she had so many plants. I'm not even lying. When I was really little, my mom would put 20 pots on our back patio. Filled with all kinds of tomato plants. Nothing too wild. Mostly beef streak tomatoes, and cherry tomatoes. But we always had so many. I'm not 100% sure why we grew so many. Or any at all. I'd eat them in my lunch. The rest, we'd give to my grandma. Ya, my mom didn't cook much.

I bought 2 tomato plants when I first moved out. 2 plants! We had so many tomatoes! And they were delicious. Every year after that, I'd buy a few plants. Mind you, I lived in an apartment. We had a small balcony. Where my few plants lived. In little terracotta pots. It became my thing.

Cooking? Not so much. I couldn't cook. But I could grow some delicious tomatoes! Oh yes I could. Late summer is always my favorite time of year. You get the most amazing tomatoes. The weather is perfect! It's starting to change. Oh, it's perfect!

When I moved in with my ex-husband, I brought my tomatoes. I didn't care about bath towels, dishes, or lamps. All of which I left behind. But my tomatoes, they came with me. He laughed. But when we had that first salad, he was sold. Months later, we were moving. Into this amazing house we had built. I made sure there was a perfect area for tomato planting. Perfection!

That year, I got a little fancy. I planted such a variety of tomatoes. Tomatoes I had never heard of. Heck, I'd never seen! Purple tomatoes. Have you ever? I hadn't. But I grew something like 40 different varieties of tomatoes. That year, I was also cooking. I'd learned a thing or two. My tomatoes were perfect in all these new dishes!

Later when I moved into my own home, I did it again. I planted all sorts of tomatoes. Striped, purple, mini, orange, giant. They were delicious! I'm sure I planted way too many! I would pack them in baskets, and send them to friends. I cooked and cooked. I froze, canned, anything you could figure out to make with them, I made.

This is the first time, that I can remember, not growing tomatoes. Sure the reason is legit. But I miss it. I miss watching the seeds turn into seedlings. Then into plants. Growing big, and finally getting fruit. I miss that. I miss the yummy taste. The distinct taste of homegrown food.

My goal is, next year, to have another tomato garden. I pray that my dear Lord, will allow us to be home. Allow me to show my daughter some of these amazing things. How hard work, pays off. How amazing God is to us. Yes, I can't wait. Next season is going to be so delicious!

Dancing with the Stars

I'm a HUGE Dancing with the Stars fan! My Teddy Bear had to get used to that fact. And my Brother B, is learning to just go with the flow. Yup, for a few years now, me and this show have been BFFs! Funny? I'm not sure. But we have been BFFs.

When I was pregnant, My Teddy Bear would come over. He'd drive 3 and a half hours, to my house. Every Monday night. He'd sit on my front steps with takeout, waiting for me to get home from work. We'd eat. Laugh our butts off. Watch my favorite show. Oh, and we'd get stuff ready for my Baby Girl.

For almost the last year, we've been in hospitals. I've tried to keep at least this little thing, constant for us. Every Monday and Tuesday, we watch. I pick out my favorite, and vote like crazy! Secretly, I think these 2 men in my life, are BIG fans too! Just don't say anything. ;)

I was so disappointed in this season's lineup. I can't lie. Heck, it started a 3 hour discussion. Between the 3 of us, and our nurses. I'm still going to watch. I have absolutely no clue who to cheer on. Can I admit it? I had to google most of the names. I'm really NOT too excited for the show to start. That hurts. You know, since I'm a big fan and all. It's nothing personal, to any of the celebs, I just can't connect to any of them.....

How YouTube Has Changed Me

Years ago, I spent many, many hours, watching YouTube videos. My ex husband and I traveled 50% of the time. For his job. I wasn't too close, to many of the guys, we traveled with. Many of the wives traveled later in the week. I was on my own. So I watched YouTube.

I got ADDICTED to YouTube videos. I learned how to cook. Yes, there are some good cooks on YouTube. I tried to learn about makeup. And style. Mostly, I was just looking to be entertained. I pour over hours and hours of videos just like the one below.

Now my days and nights are full of the hospital. My daughter, and her health issues. But I'm still drawn to a few YouTube channels. I don't watch many. But I try. And now, I read blogs. Kandee has always been a favorite of mine. Her positive attitude has always been something that I've enjoyed. I enjoy her makeup blog, her daily blog, and of course her YouTube videos.



Yes, there used to be a time when I watched these videos to fill up my time. Now I watch them, in the middle of the night. When I'm too stressed or worried to sleep. When all those dark thoughts start to creep into my mind. Yes, I'm grateful for Kandee and so many others. Many times, these videos keep me going. No matter if they are about makeup, or cooking. It's just a nice break from my reality.

My One True Love

My one true love is mascara. It never, ever let's me down. It makes me feel better. Every time I put it on, mascara just makes me feel better! Yes. It has such magical powers. Makes my blond, barely there eyelashes, look absolutely amazing!

Mascara and I have had the longest relationship. Ever! We've been going steady, for 18 years now. Great Lash was my first. And only love. Until I was 16. Then I tried out tons of different brands. I cried really hard when Max Factor, moved across the pond. Oh, he was my favorite!

Yes, when I'm not feeling so great, a new tube of mascara, just makes me happy. It doesn't matter if I pay $5 or $20 for my mascara. Just as long as it does the job! If I can get it for $5, it just adds to my happiness! Yes, mascara is just that magical thing for me. Way better than any kind of drink. :)